Unemployed and looking for work, no direction.

[vipassana_n00b]

I've been 'temping' on and off for the past year after splitting with my girlfriend of 5 years, and previous to this I quit my job after having really bad anxiety and panic attacks. I'm now confronted with the 'what the hell am I going to do with my life' feeling. I'm looking for jobs online, and nothing interests me. I really want to work in a sector that makes a difference to others but I have no idea what I want from my life. I'm Libran as well, so this doesn't help I've been doing Vipassana after reading 'Mindfulness in Plain English' and last year I attended a Goenka retreat for 10 days. I try to meditate frequently but I'm prone to relapse back to beer, computer games, and heavy music! Will continuing to meditate actually give me some clarity of mind with my job hunt? I feel tempted to not look for work at all for a while and just meditate on my feelings- will this make matters worse? At the moment my mind is so foggy and I just cannot make any decisions. I've been depressed before and I'm worried I'm going to spiral down again into feeling s**t. It also bothers me that I'm a graduate, 26, and I'm currently living back with my parents. You all seem like really down to earth people so any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you

[Masauwu]

I`m far from the right person to give life advice, but a couple of familiar things caught my attention: the relapsing to alcohol, gaming and other distractions, and that you are aware of the fact that your mind needs clarity if you are to make good decisions. A few weeks ago i started cultivating mindfulness in the daily life and i notice clarity and calm gradually increasing (by interrupting the fogginess production); also feelings and bad states are easier to deal with and i no longer bury myself in guilt when i relapse. Maybe you can try doing this for a while and see what happens, it doesn`t require any dedicated time slot - just paying attention.

Stay strong, the sun is shining even in the cloudiest days, the clouds will pass.

[Stefan]

hei man, sounds familiar to me, too. I made the mistake to throw away all my HeavyMetal-LP's about twelve years ago, as an attempt to force myself into real changes. well ... didn't work  so nowadays I refuse to feel guilty for listening to ol' Lemmy every now and then ... changes normally come slowly, same as trees are growing in their own speed and cannot be forced to do 30 metres in one year. So, you see there must be changes, there should be more to it ... good! you feel meditation should be an essential part of your life ... good! now take your time and move step by step. don't give in at the starting line of the marathon because you don't see the finishing line yet ... 

as for a job ... there's plenty. but what is your vocation? try to contemplate what you loved to do as a child. what activities did you love when you were a little boy? I used to turn over every stone to check what's crawling underneath. holidays at sea I spent with catching prawns and build them an aquarium out of a bucket and look at them. then I grew up and forgot about the joy I had experienced then. after a huge load of crap I started as a grown up I rediscovered this joy, then studied biology and now work in a small rainforest center in germany where I can work with animals all the time (there's no day wasted when you have a chameleon on your shoulder). what was your joy at the age of five?

as for changes ... with 26 I decided to go to India for half a year, to change my perspective drastically. it worked fine ... a good place to break habits ...

be well!

Stefan

[chintan]

Stefan.. you actually threw them away!! I still have some hand me downs from my dad's collections as a prized possession.. its the player which is a problem now a days..

hi n00b - you are way ahead of where I was when I was 26.. had not discovered meditation.. was still going around with my first girl friend and had just started my first job. In my world Vipassana co-exists with beer, computer games and heavy metal.. all in moderation of course. Do you enjoy sitting or is it something you do out of some compulsion??

bucketful metta..

[niza]

Dear N00b,

Was in the same state few months back....no clarity, no decisions, immobilization...didnt feel like doing anything...no interest and was completely lost....would just like you to know that its absolutely ok to have no direction or clarity at times.... just little steps for now....these few things helped me a lot till the heavy clouds started clearing a bit and then the answers about work and so on were clearer.

1) keep the daily meditation practise going. (It was atleast the one consistent commitment i tried to keep)
2) Go for early morning walks or some regular excercise
3) keep in touch and keep talking to some wise teacher or friend..regular positive inputs do help a lot
4) keep the focus on contribution in whatever little way u can...feed birds, animals...lend a ear to a troubled friend....littlest of things. Took the focus away from my own misery for a bit.
5) Try eat light...lentils..grean bean sprouts...veggie soups and so on..

Love,
Niza

[Stefan]

Stefan.. you actually threw them away!!

yep ... 100 Metal-LP's straight into the dustbin. 
it was a crack in my life, not a real change.

[Matthew]

vn,

Will meditation help? ... depends really .. if you sit and think a lot about the situation you are in, using your usual thinking habits ... most unlikely ... probably just feed your guilt complexes. If you meditate paying attention to the rise and fall of things and the way your mind clings to and identifies with these habits .. in order to see through them and examine the phenomena .. quite probably yes - for doing so will reduce the clinging and identification. Yet it may have unexpected results. It might not clarify "what I want to do for a living", though bringing much more clarity to "how I want to live and the values I wish to embody" (and this will help with the former).

The guilt thing is so common in our society. There is something deeply perverted about it. Feeling guilty is a big waste of energy .. examine guilt and see if it has a lesson for you, then try to put that lesson into practice in your life. Niza's words are good encouragement too. Looking after little things can help undo the guilt in a big way.

A question: Do you suffer seasonal affective disorder? - I see you are UK based.

Matthew

[vipassana_n00b]

A few weeks ago i started cultivating mindfulness in the daily life and i notice clarity and calm gradually increasing

Thanks for the links Masauwu, I will have a look and try to incorporate more Mindfulness into my daily life.

as for a job ... there's plenty. but what is your vocation? try to contemplate what you loved to do as a child. what activities did you love when you were a little boy? I used to turn over every stone to check what's crawling underneath. holidays at sea I spent with catching prawns and build them an aquarium out of a bucket and look at them. then I grew up and forgot about the joy I had experienced then. after a huge load of crap I started as a grown up I rediscovered this joy, then studied biology and now work in a small rainforest center in germany where I can work with animals all the time (there's no day wasted when you have a chameleon on your shoulder). what was your joy at the age of five?

as for changes ... with 26 I decided to go to India for half a year, to change my perspective drastically. it worked fine ... a good place to break habits ...

be well!

Stefan

Hi Stefan. I was a very happy child, and very inquisitive. I was always fascinated with the unexplained, the stars, the universe (I can see that you are as well with Mr Spock!). I liked geography, world maps, counties, flags, history. The list seems to go on and on. Oh and wrestling :-) That trip to India sounds good, I went to Peru to see Macchu Picchu and Cambodia to see Angkhor Wat. Both amazing places!

hi n00b - you are way ahead of where I was when I was 26.. had not discovered meditation.. was still going around with my first girl friend and had just started my first job. In my world Vipassana co-exists with beer, computer games and heavy metal.. all in moderation of course. Do you enjoy sitting or is it something you do out of some compulsion??

bucketful metta..

Hi Chintan. I do enjoy meditation, most of the time. I have in the past felt incredibly calm and at peace with the world, and had some strange experiences like my entire body leaping into the air by a couple of inches... (5cm for my European cousins ) anyone else had this?!?

I find it very difficult when my mind races and I have negative thoughts about myself. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I give myself a hard time generally over really small things. To give you an example of this I did a Goenka retreat last year. When the noble silence ended I said to my room mate that I felt I hadn't put enough 'effort' into my meditation and felt like I had wasted my time there. His reply was 'you've got to be joking, you were millitant with getting up and going to sessions. You probably made everyone else feel bad!'

On other occasions I prefer listening to my music (mainly DnB and punk :-), or watching comedy.

1) keep the daily meditation practise going. (It was atleast the one consistent commitment i tried to keep)
2) Go for early morning walks or some regular excercise
3) keep in touch and keep talking to some wise teacher or friend..regular positive inputs do help a lot
4) keep the focus on contribution in whatever little way u can...feed birds, animals...lend a ear to a troubled friend....littlest of things. Took the focus away from my own misery for a bit.
5) Try eat light...lentils..grean bean sprouts...veggie soups and so on..

Love,
Niza

Hi Niza. 1) and 2) I've been trying to keep to. I enjoy my practice, and also I really enjoy walking. I live in the heart of the countryside, so the woods and wildlife are never too far away. With 3) and 4) I do enjoy talking to good friends, and helping if they have any problems. I even considered a career in counselling, but with my perfectionism I'd take on far too many of my clients problems, and worry if I wasn't 'helping' them enough. With 5), I try to eat healthily as much as possible. But I've got to admit I love junk food, and I'm a bit of a carnivore.

Yet it may have unexpected results. It might not clarify "what I want to do for a living", though bringing much more clarity to "how I want to live and the values I wish to embody" (and this will help with the former).

Hi Matthew. I suppose this makes a lot of sense, 'what I want to do for a living' is just a concept that can probably never truly be answered- due to the diversity of organisations and people that do the same role. Hopefully continuing my practice will enable me to clarify the 'how I want to live' issue.

A question: Do you suffer seasonal affective disorder? - I see you are UK based.

I've never been diagnosed as having SAD. I have had spells of feeling low in very hot summers, so I'm not too sure if seasons are affecting me in this way. I did mention it to a doctor once, but I agreed with them that it was stress that was bringing on depressive and anxious feelings.

[Matthew]

vn,

A practical assistance in answering the "how I want to live and the values I wish to embody", in relation to your question: there is a book called "What colour is my parachute" available from most libraries. The author's intention is to help people clarify career/work possibilities from a different perspective. There are exercises to do to help establish clearly in your mind the types of activities you find beneficial, the type of environment, working with things or people, etc. From this you build a picture of the work that might suit you based on these qualities. It gives a clearer picture of what may work for you based on your own inner knowledge of yourself. Using the book properly is an exercise in mindfulness and self-honesty.

Regarding the depressive tendencies: there would be some value in getting a 25(OH)D serum test - you'll probably need a referral to an endocrinologist to get the test. If they ask why say you have long suffered depression and you understand clear links have been established in the scientific literature between lower Vitamin D levels and depression. Get a copy of the actual test result as UK doctors are a good few years behind on the evidence and best practice.

Matthew

[Vivek]

Hi VN. I have nothing much to add to all the great suggestions above. Just want to reiterate that it is OK to not know the direction you need to take. The fact that you actually want to have a purpose, when you can't find any right now, is wonderful and praiseworthy. Just do not force it, don't give yourself a hard time for not getting the answers you want. Also, it may be a good idea to try some therapy or counselling to get through any psychological baggage you may be holding on to. Life is a lot more easy if old wounds are healed. Your meditative practice may or may not lead you to discovering what you want to do. There is a possibility, but that's all it is, a possibility. If you stick to your practice, then in time, the clarity gained may help you to get some sense of where you want to go. However, look at your practice as more than just a means to gain clarity.

[Andrew]

I've been 'temping' on and off for the past year after splitting with my girlfriend of 5 years, and previous to this I quit my job after having really bad anxiety and panic attacks. I'm now confronted with the 'what the hell am I going to do with my life' feeling. I'm looking for jobs online, and nothing interests me. I really want to work in a sector that makes a difference to others but I have no idea what I want from my life.

There is plenty of life to go around. Have a close look at what you are really afraid of, and deal with that first...

Is there something in the way?.

love to you

A



 

[Geovicsha]

Hi n00b,

I lost my job nearly 3 months ago after my anxiety and winter depression (Australia) started to evidently impact on my work for the worse. Certainly my susceptibility to sleeping only 5-6 hours was a hindrance on this. Insight meditation has allowed me to see the impact fear has on me in joining the adult work force (I'm 22), then a sense of guilt; it has given me a more clear perspective of my emotions, for sure.

Some days I start to feel sorry for myself, and wallow in self pity at missed opportunities of the past and fear of the future, but this is certainly delusions of the mind and ultimately a self fulfilling prophecy.

Utilise the present moment to the best of your abilities, and without doing so for a desirable outcome of the future; but do so to better yourself and enrich the now. I am sure that will carry onto more fulfilling present moments.

Peace.

[Andrew]

I hope you are feeling a bit better now spring is here Geovischa, sound like a rough winter for you. Do you get plenty of sun shine?, I'm in Perth and the flies are starting to gather when I walk at lunch time....

[mettajoey]

Geovischa,
To be disenchanted with the working world just means you are awake to the utter dysfunction it really is.  Don't blame yourself for not feeling to measure up to the ridiculous expectations of our society.  Forget the past (we really don't remember it accurately) and the future is never as bad as we think or even goes as expected.

Move in directions that make you happy.  Don't get caught in some else's standard.  Do what feels right to you.  Doors will open up.  Love yourself and others and the universe will love you back.

Metta,
Joey