Not a practice thread

[Stefan]

Andrew asked me when I'll do my practice thread. I thought it over and decided to post part of my answer on this board.

I was thinking of something similar to a practice thread, but ... we have a saying in Germany about "talking something into pieces". I did that a lot in my life. blah blah blah I did this I tried that ...    ... this goes for me only, part of my way is not to talk about it - right now, that is ... so, fellows, feel encouraged on your own threads! They are very healthy. Obviously!

Right now I enjoy a stage where I don't need to smear my soil into your faces but I need to let you all have a taste of the fruits I grew last year ... well, when they will be eaten, it's gonna be soil for you again!

I didn't claim that those fruits are all healthy (could be total rubbish ... probably no wisdom involved at all) 

There are those times in the gardening year when harvest is done, the place is cleared up and there's not much to do or say. It had been a comparatively good harvest this year, have some of my strawberries!!

 ... but as the wheel turns round, I am aware that there will be a spring again and a lot of hard work and digging in the soil and sweat and a lot of rocks still in the ground ... I'll apprechiate your help then.

Metta, Stefan

[joy]

I love fruits   

[Morning Dew]

Stefan thanks for sharing

[Stefan]

I love fruits

I was told of a rain forest fruit that looks extremely tasty, and when your lips only touch it, it burns like hell and your whole mouth starts to grow hurting blisters ... I hope I cleared my field of those ...

[Stefan]

There are those times in the gardening year when harvest is done, the place is cleared up and there's not much to do or say.

I don't want to spread a wrong impression of me ...
I hit rocks, I have problems (83, to be precise  ), I am lazy at times ... that's not what I mean.
But at the moment I learned to deal with it in a good way, anicca, anicca ... 

... as long as the sky won't fall on our head, I'm fine ...

[Stefan]

Still no practice thread, but my place to share ...

Today was incredible, hard blow against the ego, very uplifting, a true eyeopener.
Had a "session" between 14:00 and 16:00 and it was one of those sessions.
I needed everything I have, now it was the time for utmost equanimity while surfing on a HUGE anicca-wave that thundered on the ego-beach with might & force. Now this beach looks quite different and I have no clue where this is going to take me ... which is a relief, a lot of tiny little ego plans washed to the sea, the air is clear after a monsoon attack, and I am still half deaf from this uproar.

All those tiny little details that were planted into our subconsciousness when I was a child. Parents, aunts, uncles, teachers, television, newspapers, hundreds of childrens books, stupid toys, all filling little Stefan with their "wisdom", and little Stefan guarding those seedlings that were never mine. Now the field was overgrown when I was grown up, suffocating me with stuff that I did not like at all. So I became Punk ... because I lost "my self", had no identity, was scared to the bone and crept into the first shell that looked strong enough to protect me ... a leather jacked encrusted with spikes and "duck you"-buttons. At least I started to defend "my" field ... becoming a Punk was the first step on my way to enlightenment (which I will be in the end, I am convinced!). "So what" was my first attempt in equanimity ... this is more than twenty years ago now ...
... but anyway, it was never really "me", never "my way". So I stumbled through an esotheric supermarket (but that's another story) until I ended up in this Goenka retreat and started to burn down this field that was still crowded with several plants I never really enjoyed ... you know how we feel at times ... many difficulties around, neighbours and friends think you turned bonkers because you don't want to be "good ol' Stefan" any more. I went through that already, I went through several issues that established equanimity, awareness, mindfullness and a certain amount of non-obsessivity in my everyday life.
I became "quite good" at lots of practical aspects that were the proove I am not fooling around any more (another story I might share at times) ... so, with everything fitting in so fine I was suspecting this wave to come sooner or later. And here it was! (switch-to-field-picture-again:) Today I "dug out" a lot of roots that were still in the field, roots of plants I never planted, plants I have been burning down ever so often (on and off the cushion) but they would come again and again. Today I sort of slided into a new level (which was not in the heavens but down there in the mud) ... I went far deeper than ever before. wow. and now I stand here, shaking my head on the fool that I have been ... at this point I think I need to stop for now, words fail me right there. what a great afternoon. what a relief!
actually some tears in my eyes .... 

This has to settle. Maybe I'll be back in an hour, maybe in a week. But this has to settle.

Well, thought I'd share a bomb like that. Be well, thank you all for being a company that I hugely enjoy.

Metta, Stefan (really Stefan?)

[dragoneye]

Dear Stefan,
I am sorry for your pain and suffering. I am certain that you have touched many hearts here.
You will be here in the now and always do so. In the end, I think that is our purpose; to touch hearts and have ours touched.
With loving kindness, warm blessings, in my heart,
Tom

[Stefan]

I am sorry for your pain and suffering.

actually it is a blessing! where would we be without a little straightforward suffering every now and then. 
no need to be sorry, I feel like celebrating at the moment.

Thank you for your beautiful words! You touch mine, too.

Metta, Stefan

[Matthew]

Stefan,

Your post is much about something I was contemplating on the way home from my garden on the bus. I was thinking of writing a post about it, but you already did so. These seeds, these weeds, the way they get there and how we cover them up or cut them down - yet really need to get to the roots and pull them out completely.

Also in my contemplation was the fact that our parents and schoolteachers and others who planted them in us acted out of ignorance, unknowingly planting seeds of suffering in the belief they were planting the seeds of a "good life", how hard it is sometimes to have compassion and how this needs to be seen for what it is: the circle of Samsara.

It seems you broke a spoke or two off the wheel today. Thank you for sharing this richness.

Be well. Much love,

Matthew

[Morning Dew]

May you be happy Stefan

[Andrew]

Wow, what a post! Were is my cushion...

[Stefan]

Yeeee-Haaaw!!
... me again ...
after yesterdays session I spent a great amount of time with nordic blading (that's skating on inliners with skiing sticks, a great whole-body-exercise) ... I was running until exhaustion, running running to the horizon, running and wouldn't stop for a break, running until all the thwirling energy settled down. Sometimes action is the right thing to calm down ... strange enough ... 

Your post is much about something I was contemplating on the way home from my garden on the bus. I was thinking of writing a post about it, but you already did so. These seeds, these weeds, the way they get there and how we cover them up or cut them down - yet really need to get to the roots and pull them out completely.

Gardening provides us with a lot of accurate symbolism.
It has always been one of my favorite "pictures" ...
Especially I like the example with the nettle ... we try to get rid of it as a "weed" ... suddenly we discover that it's healthy and cures hayfever ...

Also in my contemplation was the fact that our parents and schoolteachers and others who planted them in us acted out of ignorance, unknowingly planting seeds of suffering in the belief they were planting the seeds of a "good life", how hard it is sometimes to have compassion and how this needs to be seen for what it is: the circle of Samsara.

This compassion is essential. I am not angry with parents teachers ect ... they meant well. And even if they did not mean well, they still acted out of ignorance. The only thing I can do is to see through their mistakes, learn from them and do it better. Only in this way mankind progresses from generation to generation: do everything (at least) a little bit better than the "seedplanters", and then encourage the next generation to learn from their experience and do it a little bit better than we did.
On a personal level this compassion is the only thing that keeps us from getting into this "anger-hatred-upsetness", which would be a big step backwards. When we dug out the roots, we throw them on the compost. We don't go and search the seed planters and stuff those roots into their mouths, raging and screaming "what did you do to me, skunk!!?!!??"
Well ... at least we shouldn't ... 

Thanks, guys, for being out there!

Metta, Stefan

[Stefan]

up there ...

[Morning Dew]

Thank you for sharing that view
Good man

[Matthew]

Very beautiful. Welcome back.

[dragoneye]

It's good to see you again Stefan 
I hope you have traveled well.
Warmly,
DE

[Andrew]

I was thinking maybe you had reached nibbana, taken your family and geckos and pissed off to another dimension. Now I can see I was almost right.

A

[Vivek]

Magnificent

[Andrew]

It's now my desktop background. 

[Stefan]

meet my new friend, Diego ...
after a year of unemployment I got back my job at the rainforest-center, for three years.
we have some new animals. Diego. he's always relaxed, never hectic.
I like Diego. Today he sat on my head for half an hour.

[Masauwu]

Diego is awesome!

[Stefan]

I keep telling you there is no "I".

 

If this sentence where a picture, it would have been painted by Escher.

[Stefan]

Diego is awesome!

  yes he is great!

[Matthew]

Who's friend? Who's head?

[Stefan]

MY friend! MY head!   

words are an illusion, too.