the fun thread

[Stefan]

.... had a laugh lately? share here.

be warned: it might have nothing to do with meditation ...

[Stefan]

just laughed my head off on that one 

The Crimson Permanent Assurance part 1

The Crimson Permanent Assurance part 2

[Morning Dew]

be warned: it might have nothing to do with meditation ...

In that case we might lock this thread!
I must call the Vipassana police!
 

[Masauwu]

My favourite buddhist joke:

A Buddhist goes up to a hotdog vendor and says 'Make me one with everything'. The vendor smiles and dishes up his best dog. the buddhist gives him a 50 dollar note, smiling apologetically. The vendor accepts it and smiles back. After two minutes the vendor still hasn't given the change so the buddhist asks as non-confrontationally as possible 'Excuse me, may i have the change?' The vendor looks at him wisely and says 'Change comes only from within'

(Source for this and a few hundred others.)

Ok, a few more from the same source:

Two monks were sitting in a cave. One was silent. The other one said, ‘I could have done that’.

Dukkha, Anicca and Anatta walk into a bar. Dukkha says, “Life sucks!” Anicca says, “This will pass!” Anatta says, “You talkin’ to ME?!”

How many vipassana meditators does it take to change a light bulb?
No need. Just note: ‘darkness, darkness, darkness’.

*runs off before the vipassana police arrives* 

[Crystal Palace]

 

Dalai Lama joke fails to amuse

[Stefan]

@ Dusko: 
@ Masauwu: 

(anyway thanx for posting this, Masauwu, maybe we'll be able to fool the Dhammacops!)

... I've been feeling rather silly for the last two days ... 

[Stefan]

@CP: stoooop (BURST) 

[Crystal Palace]

 

[Morning Dew]

Ok!
Stefan, Masauwu and CP are officialy proclaimed as dangerous fun-spreading criminals. Wanted Dead or Alive! 5000 Light Bulbs to those who hand them into the custody of Vipassana Police!
 

[Vivek]

Yeap, I'm with you, Dusko. Time to teach these "criminals" a lesson.

[Stefan]

  Lemme go!
We're innocent!! It was them, the others, they forced us!
Some guy use me good name to fun around! I wasn't even there!

... it was Andrew, yeah, that'd look like him!

[Andrew]

Keep it down will ya, I'm reading a book...

JULIAN SMITH - I'm Reading a Book

[Vivek]

Andrew, eh?  An official investigation is underway.. We'll catch the culprit soon.. Meanwhile, there's a funny anecdote making its rounds in the Net:

The Wife's Revenge:



She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight,put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steamed.

Air Fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days,
and in the end even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place..

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a Price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth,
but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home....
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including the curtain rods.

 

[Morning Dew]

@ Stefan

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
 

[Stefan]

thx for bookreading and those curtain rods .... laughter in the evening is said to be very healthy ... 

Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
 

I know ... I know ... 

[Stefan]

Recommendation:

Sit first ... then fun thread ... after CP's Dalai Lama joke there was no sitting possible for an hour or so ... 
still grinning ...

[Masauwu]

Blackadder - The French.mp4

You are the vulgarian, you DUCK!

I love British humour.

[Mungo]

These are from Jack Handy but I dont really know who he is - I like his quotes though as my sense of humour is fairly warped.

I got a belt on that's holding up my pants, and the pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What's going on here? Who is the real hero?

Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared. "Tom's gone!" "Is he a magician?" "No." "Then let's print up some flyers!"

I called the hotel operator and she said, "How can I direct your call?" I said, "Well, you could say 'Action!', and I'll begin to dial. And when I say 'Goodbye', then you can yell 'Cut!'"

“If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting”

“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.”

“My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally - but I didn't want to upset him.”

“I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.”

This one commercial said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did, and it was a load off of my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell slipcovers, but I didn't know what they were!

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

If the vipassana police come around my defense will be that I am a continually changing entity and it was a different person that posted this.

[Stefan]

 

This one commercial said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did, and it was a load off of my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell slipcovers, but I didn't know what they were!

that's my favorite! btw could anyone tell me what "a car" is? 

I love British humour.

especially pytish humour! 
(btw there's another movie with the same actors as in "Wanda", called "fierce creatures". Not that good, but highly enjoyable still. I didn't know it until this year, though I thought I've seen them all.)

Vipassana police has been cancelled, since they recall that sitting* is no punishment, actually ... 

Metta, Stefan

*(edit: hmmm ... was that understandable in english? In Germany we say "sitting" if someone is in jail)

[littlegrape]

the dalai lama pizza shop one hahahah oh man 

[Stefan]

this is between  and  ...

rubber man

guy is joking without words ...

[Stefan]

it's a bit like quarreling, actually ...

[Masauwu]

Abandoning control.

Can't Stop Laughing

[littlegrape]

 

[Matthew]

Secret secrets of THE SECRET revealed

Whole thing is funny .. last ten seconds priceless (but don't skip to that)