Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]

[Morning Dew]

Putting aside books about meditation, buddhism, and spirituality in general.

This lasted for a day. Im back to reading the texts from Nag Hammadi.
Im weak. Not sure where the disciplined Dusko is gonne.
I feel my energy levels are low.

I want some passion but it comes not. There is nothing giving me pleasure anymore. Im trying through reading, eating, watching dvd, but it lasts very short.

I even skipped to sit today. Just did 20 mins Wuji Qigong this morning.

Is this it? Did i hit the Big Tick Wall and have no powers to pass it?
Is that it?

[Masauwu]

Try to make your day about just watching. Nothing to lose. It`s the same day you would have anyway, but without letting its bits unnoticed.

Mindfulness established in awareness of body and whatever activity you are doing; in breathing if just sitting. Notice whatever appears in the mind as someone watching a picture slideshow would.

This lasted for a day. Im back to reading the texts from Nag Hammadi. *thinking*
Im weak. Not sure where the disciplined Dusko is gonne. *guilt*
I feel my energy levels are low. *thinking*

I want some passion but it comes not. *wanting* There is nothing giving me pleasure anymore. Im trying through reading, eating, watching dvd, but it lasts very short. *thinking*

I even skipped to sit today. Just did 20 mins Wuji Qigong this morning. *thinking*

Is this it? Did i hit the Big Tick Wall and have no powers to pass it? *dissatisfaction*
Is that it? *thinking*

You are not what is happening "to you". They are just happening, but they stick "to you" if you don`t pay attention to what is happening in the present moment. You already know this and you will remember it. Re-read this next time you feel like reading.

[Matthew]

Dusko,

This too shall pass. You hit a brick wall, there is no wall big enough to stop you forever. Soon enough it will crumble.

Be well,

Matthew

[Quardamon]

Hello Dusko,

You had your parents over for a few days/ a week.
In a month you will leave the summer house.
You have been sick for a week.

I have been sick now for four days. I did not sit for a week - until Yesterday, when I sat three times one hour. I hope I am tuned in.

In general, I believe, it is not only good to let go, but also to accept and see what is there. Often times, those two are almost the same. But this time I mean them as two movements in opposite directions.

Letting go, laying-off, not-identifying, keeping the mind open is an activity that opens one up. It has the effect of making some-one vulnerable. That is the one direction: letting go of self, letting go of toughness, breathing out.
You may remember, that that is an effect the Dhamma Brothers in Alabama's Donaldson Prison in the USA hated in the beginning.

Now, in my experience - and I do not know how general that is; we shall see on this forum - after a while of that, pictures, ideas, fantasies, life stories come to the practitioner. Tinglings, moods, and so on. General practice on this forum - and with me - is to just see those things that come up, and let them go.
Some moods, feelings etc. may come again and again. Or some might come maybe once but make a deep impression. In my opinion, it is good to look into those and accept them and see that that is where one is at now. Breathing in. Accepting the form that is there now. Off the cushion, one might read about these things, ponder upon them, share them with friends. Draw them, digest them. There is an element of willingly identifying-with, here.
So letting go and accepting as two movements, breathing out and breathing in, or the left-and-right swaying movement that one makes while walking.

Well then.
Let me tell you what I see. May it be for the good of you, of your wife, and of all.

Since a few days you have this signature from the poem "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe. A poem wherein central stands a lost love. And the impossibility to find her back. I tend to think of lost innocence, in the light of the texts that I mention hereafter.

Also since almost a week you have this status:
"By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes."
Wikipedia tells me, that this is from the play Macbeth, by Shakespeare. It is the text of the second witch, when Macbeth approaches - who is by that time a traitor and a murderer.

At the thirteenth, you remark:
"Somethings rotten in the land of Danmark
I feel like im dying"
Now "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark" is a quotation from the play Hamlet, Wikipedia tells me. It is spoken by the guard Marcellus. I quote from an explanation: "There have been some hair-raising goings-on outside the castle at Elsinore. As the terrified Horatio and Marcellus look on, the ghost of the recently deceased king appears to Prince Hamlet."

Well well well - quite a drama altogether.

And then, there is this beautiful Personal Statement that you have:
     "May I die in peace"
If I may, then please please please, do have the bluntness and the courage, the willingness to lay off form and the willingness to take on form, to pray:
    "May those who have died be in peace"

If needs be, I will be more explicit why I say this. I could tell what are the forms that I accept as existing and that bring me to this conclusion. But I think that you and those who have known you on this forum for a while know.

    May we all die in peace.

    May we all be in peace.

    May the deceased be taken care of.

    May hatred find it's place as a guardian. (And not as a blind destroyer.)


Hug.

Quardamon

[Quardamon]

I probably asked too much of you. I am sorry.

No need to enforce world peace in one day.

[Vivek]

Is this it? Did i hit the Big Tick Wall and have no powers to pass it?
Is that it?

No, no, no and no. This too will change, Dusko, this too shall pass. Like it or not, these are also the fruits of your practice. People usually want only the good things from their meditative practice. After all, that's what many of us practice meditation for, to be more happy. Very logical indeed. But, the goodies are not we always get. Not in Vipassana. If there are bad/painful tendencies burried within oneself, then they will surely come out if one continues with Vipassana. That is bound to happen. There is no way of controlling that. The very purpose of Vipassana is to realize that control itself is an illusion. Who dwells within to control? Of course, one can stop the practice alogether if one does not want to deal with all that crap. Dealing with one's own mental tendencies requires enormous courage and patience. And I am sure you are one of those blessed people, who can face the truth of the moment and keep marching to the goal. 

[Morning Dew]

I probably asked too much of you. I am sorry.

No need to enforce world peace in one day.

Not sure i understand what you wrote in your last two replies. No reason to be sorry. It is not just you. I suddenly cant understand most people what the heck they are talking about. Like watching this world from a bucket i feel.

Thank you both Q and Vivek for posting and others who contributed.

I decided to stop practicing sitting meditation for now while my friends are visiting us. We are having good time together. Soon my wifes parents are comming over then my sister. A very busy month lots of guests

Im getting rid of the rigid disciplined meditator self. Instead i am to just sit just walk just talk just shit just eat ... Just.

I think im understanding what Just realy means now. Its not an idea but a state of mind which makes peace with boredom.

Im off now.

May we all be able to peacefuly sit in boredom with our selves and find delight in this very act.

[Andrew]

I think I must be copying you Dusko, either that or our stars are freakishly aligned. Have fun with your friends, drop in over here any time!

Seeing as our stars are singing the same tune, how did you go finding local meditators? I was reading your original "Starting with Shamatha meditation..." thread last night and you mentioned it once. I'm holding out some hope that this will really break open the practice for me, humanise it, and take away all the remnants of the ascentic monk that hides in my mind.

Be well brother.

 

[Morning Dew]

Andy

I found a local Zen centre. Was on the introduction day for a few hours. Didnt like the fact that i had to part take in chanting. They are religious and that is fine with me.

If im to find a community its going to be the local Wing Tsun centre where i practiced Qigong. People there never talk about enlightenment but about new moves or how to improve old moves etc...

At the moment i dont practice at all sitting meditation just enjoy time with friends in nature;


I do feel though that the calm-abiding aspect of the Body-Mind is weakening. Sitting indeed re-fills the Body-Mind with calm.

Be well

[Andrew]

I found the same thing when checking out Dhammaloka, the religious aspect makes me uncomfortable, though I'm glad that the monks are genuine people and interact with the lay people as well as the rules allow.

You look relaxed there mate, I want to see the dog turn around and jump on you though!

[Masauwu]

Awesome pic Dusko.

But in my opinion you can make time for everything. Be or feel any way you want to for 1420 minutes a day, but i`m sure it won`t kill you to sit for the other 20 minutes. This phase will pass and you might find yourself more inspired than ever to practice again, in which case it would be useful to have kept a basic maintenance daily sit so the concentration you`ve worked so hard for doesn`t slip away. Don`t listen to me, listen to this guy:

Keep the pot on fire, dont let it cool down.

It`s easy to stick to daily practice when we are in the mood. These reminders are for when we are not in the mood, and we let the mind cling to one of the million possible reasons to not sit. No matter how real and logical they seem.

[Morning Dew]

Andy I am relaxed

Masauwu
I did not stop being mindful of the moment nor did i stop sitting, walking, talking, listening, standing, washing , etc...
I stopped to Do Practicing Sitting meditation which caused some rigidness. Instead there is just sitting, just breathing, just sensations.

Hard to describe this current state of mind.

[Stefan]

what a nice pic! 

here in my town we have a "room of silence". everyone is free to go there and sit with other people who also sit there by chance. you don't know their meditation, they don't know yours. talking or chanting isn't allowed. it is nice to sit in between the others ... maybe there's something similar in your town (goes also for Andy).

Metta, Stefan

[Mungo]

Traditionally the Eightfold Path is taught with eight steps such as Right Understanding, Right Speech, Right Concentration, and so forth. But the true Eightfold Path is within us - two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, a tongue, and a body. These eight doors are our entire Path and the mind is the one that walks on the Path. Know these doors, examine them, and all the dhammas will be revealed.

The heart of the path is so simple. No need for long explanations. Give up clinging to love and hate, just rest with things as they are. That is all I do in my own practice.

Do not try to become anything. Do no make yourself into anything. Do not be a meditator. Do not become enlightened. When you sit, let it be. When you walk, let it be. Grasp at nothing. Resist nothing.

Of course, there are dozens of meditation techniques to develop samadhi and many kinds of vipassana. But it all comes back to this - just let it all be. Step over here where it is cool, out of the battle.

Why not give it a try? Do you dare? - Achaan Chah

[Matthew]

One million people attended his funeral.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ev7Yz5PmwaE

his meditation instructions in song.

[Stefan]

But the true Eightfold Path is within us - two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, a tongue, and a body. These eight doors are our entire Path and the mind is the one that walks on the Path.

while I think there is a lot of truth in your post, I cannot cope with this sentence.
It is so very human: seven parts of the path are associated with the face, and the rest is one part "only" ...
this picture certainly comes from the top-heavy human ego. The ego who is seated in our face due to the stickyness of senses.

And it is not the mind who walks the path ... although I admit that there's many a meaning to the word "mind" ...
Who walks the path? - Wrong question! Since there is no "thing" actually walking ...

Is there a process called "walking the path"? - Yes.
Non-noun-grammar fits better ... 

Metta, Stefan

[Morning Dew]

while I think there is a lot of truth in your post, I cannot cope with this sentence.

This is not the first time that you can not cope with peoples sentences yet these are just words as you say
I still suggest you to calm down with this know-it-all atitude and as Quardamon told me once "instead of posting like crazy why dont you sit back and see the forum evolve?" I understand these words now Quardamon, good man!

Back to the thread;


Thanks to our dear member Mindfulness I realised a huge mistake in the sitiing posture.
http://www.vipassanaforum.net/forum/index.php/topic,1647.msg16004/topicseen.html#msg16004
I sit on a Seiza Bench but this concernes all sort of sitting and that is a streight spine + a streight neck. I did not have a streight neck. I failed to see that I was bending the neck too much and this was invoking Sloth and Torpor. Thanks to this Wrong Posture (oposing to Buddha's Right ...... ) I had a prolonged Dark Night.

As soon this small yet huge issue was corrected the sitting session was Awakening   There must be a reason why Zen Buddhists stress the importance of the The Right Posture. Stable posture anchor the Mind very well.

I said to myself; "You are a Buddha covered under all those layers of ignorance n greed, so at least sit like one".
Dont bend down, sit  with streight spine and neck, contemplate the posture feeling the edges of the posture, the within and without is suddenly clearly present, two yet one, being aware of the breathing which is becoming smoother with time passing, aware of the lower Dantien breathing which is the centre of The Posture (The Sitting Buddha).

Remain Aware of The Posture, aware of all within and all without. In accordance to keep the pathway between heaven and earth unobstructed keep the spine and neck streight.

I am the Buddha, so at least I can sit like one.

Good bye Dark Night was nice knowing you

[Morning Dew]

Carrotes and Beetroot from the garden mmmmm


The farmer enjoying the fruit

[Stefan]

This is not the first time that you can not cope with peoples sentences yet these are just words as you say
I still suggest you to calm down with this know-it-all atitude and as Quardamon told me once "instead of posting like crazy why dont you sit back and see the forum evolve?" I understand these words now Quardamon, good man!

Thanks for this, I know there's those times. I haven't been posting for a long time. Since a few months I do again. And definitely the time will come again when I will be knee-deep in my own mud where I'll have to work on issues so hard that there will be no time, energy, wisdom and humour left to share. So I know about the neccesity to shut up at times.

But for the TMO-know-it-all ... hmmm, I try only to post when I have an opinion that is settled in direct experience. I really am sorry if that gets on your nerves. I am aware of this problem: I don't do a practice thread, I don't go around and keep telling my experiences. So you might consider all this stuff I am posting as cheap boasting? Maybe you think I sit at home with the big encyclopedia on buddhism on my knees just waiting for the opportunity to show off? It is your right to do so, and if you feel annoyed by my forum activity, then please tell me to  stop answering your posts (or posting in this your thread).
I certainly will do so and no offence taken. Please don't make a war of it, suggesting I am on caffeine (I am not, neither do I take any other drugs - but maybe you don't believe me anyway), because slandering isn't quite the way, is it?

Anyway, I don't think it's up to you to decide who else I will answer and how.
Anybody tell me to leave him alone, I will do so. (Just write a PM, then I will only read your posts, not answer them.)


Glad to hear morning is dawning again! I very nearly missed Che's jump-in-his-face-attitude. 

Be well, honest Metta and yours sincerely,

Stefan

[Morning Dew]

and if you feel annoyed by my forum activity, then please tell me to  stop answering your posts

Not anoyed by anyones forum activity but anoyed when the same person repeats the same words again and again "those are just words, just words, just words". We have no other to communicate with but words. Buddhas knowledge is written down in words, etc ... We use those words to reflect our current practice. The Maps helpped me to realise where im stuck. If our member Mindfulness didnt ask about posture i would not have realised that im sitting in a bend neck posture literarly bringing me down. These are all words. Me mentioning your god are also just words but you remember how that felt. Im not talking about war, you mentioned that. Im just saying that it is ok for people to contemplate via words on this forum because we have no other way.

Words can bring us up and they can bring us down. This applies not to the Arahants i presume but dont know about that.

I repeat; i never said that you are not alowed to post. I just mentioned that i might start ignoring your repetitive posts which would be a shame.

Your spiritual friend
Che

[Morning Dew]

While im postig this the mushrooms are being cooked mmmmm
One cant find this in the city. No sir. Nature is needed for this.
Gathering is such a joy.

[Morning Dew]

We intended to pick Boletus etulis and ended up picking up the bitter sort Tylopilus felleus which looks very similar to the Boletus edulis. Its so bitter one cant eat it. Not poisonus. Shit happens and thats a fact of life.

[Masauwu]

Yes they look very similar, i was tempted to post about the first pic but i wasn`t sure; it`s been maybe 15 years since i was gathering them in the woods. Still the activity in itself is enjoyable. The little yellow ones we used to cook them with a sauce made from crushed garlic and a bit of vinegar. Good times.

[Matthew]

Dusko,

while I think there is a lot of truth in your post, I cannot cope with this sentence.

This is not the first time that you can not cope with peoples sentences yet these are just words as you say
I still suggest you to calm down with this know-it-all atitude and as Quardamon told me once "instead of posting like crazy why dont you sit back and see the forum evolve?" I understand these words now Quardamon, good man!

Back to the thread;


Thanks to our dear member Mindfulness I realised a huge mistake in the sitiing posture.
http://www.vipassanaforum.net/forum/index.php/topic,1647.msg16004/topicseen.html#msg16004
I sit on a Seiza Bench but this concernes all sort of sitting and that is a streight spine + a streight neck. I did not have a streight neck. I failed to see that I was bending the neck too much and this was invoking Sloth and Torpor. Thanks to this Wrong Posture (oposing to Buddha's Right ...... ) I had a prolonged Dark Night. ....

I noticed this in the pictures your wife took. There are also some slight imbalances in your spinal alignment. Pay attention to how you move your head during normal activities .. no quick movements ... slowly move the EYES first in the direction you intend to move your head, then let your head and the rest of your body follow the eyes. It will come in time.

Matthew

[Morning Dew]

Thanks Matthew i will pay more attention to the whole postute from now on

Just felt like sharing;

Came back yesterday to this urban natural scape

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g294/Duskob/4d063272.mp4

From this rural natural scape

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g294/Duskob/bf3bbc7d.mp4

Never mind